Waiting for LP

We were told that our journey would be a roller coaster, and I think I may have whiplash. Not that there's anything wrong at the moment. We're here at the 7th floor surgery center waiting to see if she will make counts today. It's likely she will...she's been off chemo for nearly two weeks and she had two blood transfusions this week. But if she doesn't make counts then I'm concerned only because I don't know what it means. Sometimes the unknown is the hardest part.

We can spend days and even weeks being perfectly happy but then the next day we're back dealing with the realities of cancer. On good days cancer lurks quietly, instead of like today where it is front and present. The emotional toll of back and forth is hard for me, it's very tiring. I think I'm just tired in general, if nothing else, from the traffic.

When I'm tired I get cranky. Especially when I want coffee and I know it's there, brewing seven floors below me. Unfortunately it it took us nearly two hours to get here today so we didn't have time to stop by the coffee stand. In fact, we ran up to the surgery check-in so we could use the restroom and get her name started in the que since we were nearly half-an-hour late.

And when I'm cranky I start the "just" game. If I could just have coffee, I'd feel better. Why can't Grace just sit and watch cartoons instead of jump around the waiting room? If we could just come to the hospital less then I'd be happier. I decided to cut my "just-list" short.

This is the path God has for us today, and whining about it won't change it. So I prayed that he would provide the peace I needed. I asked for his presence to be with us today in the hospital room. I asked for his patience and an abundance of grace for Grace. And he did.

I wish he had sent coffee too...