Monday, November 16, 2015


I finally got the tattoo I've been wanting for two years now. 

This is the hymn I sang every morning when we were inpatient at Children's Hospital Los Angeles. I sang it in the hot shower- and if I had a shower, that meant it was a good day.

Great is Thy faithfulness,” O God my Father,There is no shadow of turning with Thee;Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail notAs Thou hast been Thou forever wilt be.

“Great is Thy faithfulness!” “Great is Thy faithfulness!”Morning by morning new mercies I see;All I have needed Thy hand hath provided—“Great is Thy faithfulness,” Lord, unto me!

Summer and winter, and springtime and harvest,Sun, moon and stars in their courses above,Join with all nature in manifold witnessTo Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth,Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide;Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!

It reminded me that every morning God would provide new mercies that would carry us through that day. I soon learned that the best way to deal with trauma is to focus on only that day, not looking behind or forward, and that God would always provide what we needed- exactly enough for that day- much like He gave manna in the wilderness.

The biggest thing I have learned from Gracie's cancer journey is that it is not my own goodness or strength or faithfulness that sustains my relationship with God, it is because of his great faithfulness that we are able to follow Him. How many times he found me as I wandered in despair and pain. How many times he comforted me when my heart screamed accusations at him. When I found myself void of all hope, he was there. He was not afraid to ascend into the hell we were living in to be with us.
I put this on my left arm in honor of the Phylacteries that orthodox Jews wear. They wear God's promises over their weakest part of their body (left arm), which is also a direct line to the heart. For the rest of my life, no matter what happens, I will have a visual reminder that God will never leave us or forsake us, because of his great love for us, I can sing, "Great is thy faithfulness, Lord unto me."

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