About Time

(Grace at Disneyland with her daddy in December 2013)

A friend of mine lost her husband to cancer seven or so years ago. After she was ready to talk about it, she told me, "Don't make my mistake. I was always waiting to be happy. Now I look look back I realized I was happy. I had everything I needed...don't wait to be happy." I took her advice and tried to love my life instead of just live it, and that time with Chad was so precious to me, but still I failed.

My best friend lost her would-have-been-fiance about six years ago to an enlarged heart. Chad and I had been married nearly eight years then but we were still too afraid to have kids. We wanted our careers ironed out, a house bought, our life in order. After Joe died I realized that he had lived life more fully in his twenty-seven years than I had in my whole life. He was always taking laughing, always taking risks. We didn't want to be afraid anymore and within a year we were pregnant and thus was Grace.

Tonight we watched "About Time," and in it "Tim" relives every day twice (sorry to blow it for anyone who hasn't seen it). He lives the day once to get through the stress and anxieties of the life and once to really enjoy it. And as I watched his kids grow up in the movie I longed for each stage with my own children again.

If I could have heaven my way, I'd get to relive each day of my life. But with each revolution I'd find more joy in it, more delight. I'd play with my kids more. I'd kiss my husband more. I'd be silly more and laugh more and take risks more and do dishes less. I'd realize how happy I am more.

I plan to move forward, from this day forward, with this new outlook.