(Grace naps a lot from the morphine and Benadryl. Best pain management is sleep I think.)
I don't know why. Last year I decided that I would memorize several old hymns. The day dream was that if I were ever captured by the Taliban then I would sing the hymns and they would be won over and all of the wars of the world would end. Strange, I know. No one was supposed to know that, but there you go.
I memorized "Great is Thy Faithfulness," and today I was singing it in the hospital elevator when I went to get my coffee. "Morning by morning, new mercies I see. All I have needed, thy hands have provided. Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me." The reverb in the elevator is excellent, by the way, so I really enjoy singing there when it's empty.
Last night, or rather at two in the morning today, Grace had to go potty. I have to carry her since she is too weak to go by herself, plus there are eight tubes and a tower connected to her right now that get very tangled. In the light of the bathroom I noticed her mouth was a bloody, gooey mess. I called in the nurse who called the doctor who ordered platelets for her. Within an hour or so she had a transfusion. The sores in her mouth ooze blood and so they will work on keeping her platelets above 20K. This is the second time in three days she's needed a platelet transfusion for the same reason.
Yesterday I was cranky, lonely, bored, and tired. I was so ready to go home and be a family again. But when she needed the platelets all I could think was how grateful I was. All my anger and frustration melted, none of it mattered anymore. I am so grateful to the person who donated the platelets. And for the nurse who acted promptly. And for the doctor who was up all night so the order could go through. And the blood bank person who made sure it was a good match for Grace. I was overwhelmed with gratitude that all these people are protecting my daughter.
This morning God acted in His faithfulness to help Grace. He didn't look at my unfaithfulness, He worked off His own goodness and His promises to me and my family. I wish we weren't here. I wish Grace wasn't in constant pain. I wish a lot of things right now. But what matters is that she needs help and God has us in a place surrounded by people who are helping. His mercy is all we have needed, and He has certainly provided.